I'm listening to Dinosaur Jr., the cd he gave me. I love the first track... we've known each other for such a short time, and there's like a lot of songs I hear that remind me of our lonnnnnnnnnng drives back home. I feel sorry for him and sometimes I don't want to inconvenience him to drive here, go there, bring me back here, and go back all the way back there again. He probably thinks I don't want to see him. Sometimes I don't, but thats only cause I'm a little fucked up and don't want to bother with any more of this trouble.

Anyway. Just got home from lunch with a good friend of mine. It's funny. Alot of the new people I've been meeting lately... Been feeling really sisterly towards them. It feels like I've known them forever where I can just be how I am. And its not like I'm self concious around my other friends to act the way I do... it's just that I haven't seen or heard from them in such a long time that when we finally do see or hear from each other... it's weird. I have so much I want to say to them, catch up on stuff...but I get like a brain fart and it's all just hey.  I feel guilty just putting this out there, but sometimes I wonder if we just hang on to our ties with each other because of our history together. Then I hit myself in the head, and tell my pessimistic side to shut the fuck up and be grateful for them. I love my friends. Old and new. and the ones I haven't even met yet. And the ones I'm not friends with anymore cause things have been really weird.

What else.

I envy Mila Kunis, cause she has Macaulay. Fuck her, and that Rachel Miner for shattering my 12 year old dreams.

I can't get into my car! The disarm button on my car alarm just won't unclick so I can't get in. The spare is nowhere to be found, buried under my heap of clothes. I miss the good old days where I just lift up a couple of shirts, and tada! Found what I'm looking for. Now its a fucking warzone in my closet. I broke it's door and I have like a tidal wave of clothes that need to be dry cleaned since 6 months ago, and thrift store finds I've forgotten...

hmmm

I have nothing else to say but...

I'm SORRY